Im tired!

Oh..oh Mr ex husband came back from mia. Well everyone welcome him back but we surprised he came back with agenda of threatening me again. The last 2014 and 2015 trauma threatened still in my heart and the scar haven't heal too now another story came back. 

He block my IG and my daughter IG well I don't care about it. But he suddenly post a printscreen pic by asking everyone include me to delete all the old past pics and video if not he will stop my daughter maintainance. As from what i know even so hard to delete it because those the best memories i had for 8 yrs even with so many rollercoaster that we had went tru. So my small bro hamzah delete for me whatever pics that i had with him. 

Well i really thought all will be fine after delete those thing. But too bad he started to threaten my another god sis ig too. I felt so damn hurt with all these actually until i drop and cried loudly in my bedroom while my small bro trying his best to console me. Once i start cry so hard to stop and control it. 😞

I really don't know what my next step to do after these. I will give him until Monday to transfer maintainance for my daughter. I just want him to stop disturb my life that's all. 

😡😦😪

WatiDini Journey:

2016 and 2017 bonding picture

 

  Due of my brain like blank, i just update some of my pictures. 

will be continue again..

 

Is it too late to update?

Well the reason nowdays I lack of update my two blog because i always busy working and tired. Sometime i even forget what to update on my 2 blog page. 

Now month of June and July will becoming soon raya mood is coming already. No i still not happy about raya i only focus ramadan period and just follow the flow raya celebration for my Dini. Alhamdulillah this year I sold sampul raya again and this thursday my 3rd batch for customer postage. 

All the extra income it just for my standby purpose for raya clothes and preparation nothing else. My extra income not that much only 50cent to $2 or sometime even $5. Some profit I used to buy my fleet enema for every week or month restock. Due of i cannot predict when it will attack on me. 

My healthy still up and down my heart just said tawakal and just wait for miracle to happen. 

Relationship story:

Im still single and lonely. My heart still want me to put that someone in my heart  even I had the feeling impossible. And to those want to make friend with me I still chat with them,but limited because they were those open minded person while me im simple and bored person and i will only auto with someone that right for me after marriage.

Well i'm still not perfect everyday im trying to be real muslimah, but it seem not easy i will take a slow step until I found someone that can lead me to the right path.For now my Dini will be my everything even i know i have my parents. Their love support no one can replace it, it just me want to be ready for something unexpected to be happen like love one can be gone forever. Can I still stand straight or not. I just cannot imagine if that happen to me one day. 

Well i will stop here, now on way to work already may today everything will be smooth day for me and to everyone who read my broken english blog life 😊

And again i fall sick

Hi everyone since i really cannot sleep from just now maybe to excited or nervous to meet my Dini teachers or due of nauseous feeling from just now too many air came out from my throat follow my mouth and even the fart gas air. And to tell the truth im tired and felt irrate too. Well it is ok just think the positive side.

Last 2 days im having bad stomach flu i guess until fever really never notice it or felt it until suddenly i felt eyes like heaty n giddy. On Thursday im trying my best to wakeup and walk to go work. By right should take taxi but seem like hard to get i decide mrt public transport😍 

Once reached work i did all my duty and finished it before 6pm. Actually i want to knocked off at 6pm but suddenly my lawyer called want to come back office so i just wait for him and go home after my lawyer settle those documents. 

While went back time i decide to take taxi stop JP to settle all my personal thing. But before that i try walk in for manicure and pedicure yeah im so happy they have slot for me😀

They ask me to renew and so i renew my pedicure for 6 month first than nxt time will be manicure first.

Lastly I decide to fetch my Dini at her tuition place. She reward me with big hug and big smiles too. 

Speechless

I go check Mr EX whatapps until now he still haven't read those msg lol. 

Bloody Ego Person. By right im the simple ex wife. Mr EX really make my heart boil up like volcano and those lava melt lol. 

Singlemum or Singlefather those have ego angry attitude please change to postive parents just for ur beloved children. 

You all must have talk things out smoothly, throw all the hate feeling aside that the best for everybody. 

Example like these family divorce pics, look at them still happy family. Yes I know people will said "we not same" in malay said jangan sama kan dengan orang lain. But do you think of your children heart😞😒 that's why I said we as parents need to sacrifice all those feeling for our children. Be the positive parents not the negative parents, we must show our children positive bonding. If we show negative bonding, they might follow the same steps or when they growing scared to build a family.

Long holiday end again!

On Sunday morning, Dini need to go swimming with papa nya. Actually i really no idea where they going, because mr ex never told me. But i know dini excited already. But it turn so sad day for her and she no choice just layan itu dua anak gf tu. She said satu talkative lagi satu just play2 with her. Than both of you doing what bonding each other only. Might as well if nak berdate no need bring dini. Just bring dini out when you with ur family or with ur ownself. 

Now my turn to meletup where ur respect or understanding make people waiting like only your time precious with ur gf. What is these Mr X, why ur ego so high like mountain. 

I actually just want you to read ur whatsapps and reply, but you never at all even I called you never pick up at all. 

What attitude you give me? 

Yes I know once you kick or ludah tak akan jilat balik. But please remember we have the only child we must sacrifice those feeling no matter how you hate me or paiseh with me with what all had happened. 

Im putting those whatsapps pic on here. When dini came back as normal with her cranky face eh hello Mr X what i want is everytime you resend her back i want her to smile not brokenheart. After few hours i ask her where she go and how is it, than  i ask her did ur papa told u i find you or call you no one answer. At first she said no,but after that she like remember oh yes she want to playground. After that she also said you all go watch movie. Ok now I understand why never pick up phone, but still you make people waiting not good Mr X by right you can just reply sorry im in cinema and you only send dini after 8pm. 

Random Mama and Dini

Dini: Mama today you go work late.

Mama: Yup dini im fatigue again after the process.

Dini: Mama why never say never go work.

Mama: Because my cramp still can handle and walk. A work a must we need $ for our jalan,makan and other things even the value small as long enough for us. 

Dini: Mama why never babysit? 

Mama: Because nowdays alot of childcare and maid. 

Dini: Mama yup true my chinese friend all have maid. Malay no maid is it? 

Mama: They have dini, but not many can afford or they still believe someone they trust to babysit or the mother itself look after their children. 

Dini: Ok mama actually i miss to see u babysit and we play bonding each other keke. 

Mama: Yes I know Dini. 

Hi everyone im back again, sorry for late update. Hm...ex and me still communication breakdown i guess he still ego well again im here not to find fault or what it just really hurt me when people treat me that way yes of course i know after break will be zero already. But i someone don't like that kind of attitude if u really want to throw me means i will stop msg u for all anything just call dini and umi.

I guess that the best way, don't scold me if i will treat that kind of attitude to you. Even maintenance money once u  transfer to me i will ignore you. I will start all these next month onwards and i will delete ur number soon. Because again i said the way ex treat me really too hurt.

Yes i have weakness, but hey ex you also had alot of weakness too it really unfair understand. I have no idea why you never call ur daughter or even ask her out why must wait have event than u will borrow her. How long she have to wait for you even she think of hack care of her father already.

Don't be proud of ur money just pay alot of money for good tution that can make her get good grade and stress her schedule tight. That still not count for a child love, now im trying my best to be her papa and mama at the same time.

Im telling everyone about these it will never easy.

Because i will give her everything until i also don't even know she satisfied or not with all i give to my child.

I always remind her whatever I gave to her is not buy her love, but i do really love her until my last heart beat stop, I give my time and money to her. My only time for myself will be at work and when time sleep so i always tell her sorry if while im at home never give my time to her. I do need some rest and enjoy my follow up drama TV3/9 just to kill my time and got body recharge on my bed.

Well for me singlemum like me will never easy for me, because my weakness stomach problem on off and lack of confident. Why im still here, because i just follow the flow even in my heart said just want to go far2 away and heal all the hurt heart pain in me. Well too bad i don't have any billion of dollar saving for go far away hehe. I just decide to stay put and work hard for money and just wait miracle to ease all my pain in myself.

Routine everyday part of my life. (sometime i felt like pathetic)
But after so long i had to go through all these, i start adapt with it already. It just my family and my close accept it or not.

*detox morning or rest well in morning before go work.
*think of what to do at work till 10pm
*while at work think child finish homework or not
*think can she cope with it
*sometime we even whatsapps each other
*came back with child warm hug i will feel happy
*i will ask her to pass her handbook to me or she will update me.
*everyday came back home i will have to sign alot of her school letters and her school worksheet.
*every thursday i will start to think where to go on weekend with my child

I guess my time limited already.

That's all for today very long and boring blog keke.
Sorry im broken english person.

Let it out..

 So yesterday ex message me how to register that apps.

I reply by email and new code will go his email inbox, but something happened he can't go in at all.

So i msg ex can i have ur email and he gave me that answer what attitude he had i also don't know.

Hey ex of course i know we not related, but all these for our child that's all.

You all can see those pic keke.

Im women of course sensitive with what ex replied.

 

First i can accepted his attitude like that if he someone gangster or broken family, but he nope at all came from good family.

So reader don't u think all these ego's to high. 

So indirectly what i want is freedom from hurt and hate that's all from mr ex. 

Because im happy with what i had now.  

Oh..oh i still cannot sleep due of the cramp and my brain keep want to thinking mode. Sometime i talk to my brain please give me a break, I just want freedom and ease.

Why my heart still want to find someone, but when come to actual time i still felt scared and no confident at all.

One thing I don't like about my heart always want that person, try my best to far away with all these but again the more i want to forget it keep feel coming.

Well im confused mode.

Lets talk about work, hm i know some still don't believe about my pain. Again it so hurt to explain about it. If can i want to bring all my job thing do at home and scanning it too.

IN DREAM LOL.. when working thing it will be privacy. Well whenever i unpaid mode i do scare of being quit from thr job too. But i will just still stay patience and positive about it.

This month really a big challenge for me. Have to finish everything by 24 NOV.

May I do my job smoothly. I have no idea already how to do fast with it because i have 2 hands keke.

Ok lah i will stop at here hehe suddenly my brain turn blank.

Good morning and sweet dream..

Speechless..

I will put on hold for how long, I have no idea too. Maybe when future new relationship come in.
Well i do have the feeling to have someone but at the same time no confident at all. Due of sickness still not recover how can i handle 2 person at same time right.

I will just wait and wait till my heart really open for it. For now just make new friends or catch up with long2 lost bro and sisters.

 For now i just put Anding as my close one. We will always be far but me and dini will always miss him too. May he stay healthy and fit and success in all his whole life. We admire his active in MUD KL. Who ever went to KL for holiday. You all should watch MUD KL theater their music and dance awesome. Hard to describe what i can said their tickets price will be worth it.

Journey End..

Ok.. ok I promise my last sad status lol. 

#susahdtgpunyaexwife

#gonnamissitforever

#Thankyouforeverbepartofmylife

#10yrsWeddingdatetoday

#smiles

#cryinheartenough

Since today my old house will be gone, I re read all my past 2006, 2007 blog stories. 

Before and after pic.

To my old house, I know you will be with the new owner soon,  they will beautiful the house all again and I believe they will love it till end.

To my crystal light i will miss you too. 

I'm gonna miss you and will always look at you from far. I make u neat and messy too very sorry about it. 

😪😭😭 666B you will always in my heart. 

Sorry emo mode these few days.

Raya Mode.

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Dan Batin.

This year feeling not same as last year. 

Because last year feeling Dini always with me so nothing to worry or feel lonely.

But this year, I cannot be selfish if the father side want to borrow her. 

Well for the first time I go jalan raya with my own family without dini I felt sayu. I even cannot describe it. 

Everyone ask abt her too, my answer she with father side. Some fast catch some nope must explain lol. 

Well my first day I fail with the time arrange to half day with dini papa, well is ok after the small argue at last papa dini give in so the next day their turn with dini. 

When ever papa dini want to fetch dini, i sure ask someone to send my dini not my ownself wait i sad see both of them again I cannot describe it how the feeling.

For now what I can said my mum n my bro still cannot accept papa dini yet lol. 

Only me, Khai n daddy can accept him n family back just for the sake of their grandchild .

Alhamdulillah

Nearly 2 weeks, I'm back to work again. 

Happy I got complete sorting n scanning May close file case.

Few more to go, anyway it doesn't matter no matter how i done it i will still late by 1 month close file. 

Because they only have 2 printer copier. 

I only can use it when they really never used it, once I start scanning no 1 can disturb or I had to stop it. 

Their work more important than mine. So I will only start scanning after work hehe.

my eyes seem cannot sleep!

Today start back to work again, in my heart hope all will be fine and I can cope the overload to scan document too.

Yesterday I brave myself whatsapps ex husband to read my blog, and great to hear he read it till 2013 only due of his headpain attack. He forever with his headpain in his DUNIA life. 

Now I'm wondering when he gonna continue read the 2012 till 2007. 

Is ok give him time to read it, once he complete it I will private it forever. 

password only my daughter will know it. 

Well I not sure how his reaction either he keep in heart or no reaction at all. Because he only said sabar dan tabah that's all. 

Well to say about bepatience n calm, I guess my patience over the limit already haha. 

Well I'm here just to wish him all the best 

in his future be a Khalifah to his future wife when the day will come.

While as for me close my heart till someone will be next penawar for my heart  again. My love for Ahmad Badaruddin Bin Mohamed Yatim still strong will just kept in heart as good or bad memory in my dunia life. 

let's forgive them..

Hm.. where to start i also don't know, what I can said all when smooth no more fight2 with ex our divorce case settle. 

I gave him the property share more while me I got care n control yeah. 

Even I know dini want me to get sole for myself, because she believe even i sick still can make her happy. 

Reason for gave ex share more, by right mmg patut pun he got it. He is the real owner of that house.

He paid a lot even a lot of outstanding, well they don't care about all the outstanding bill.They only see who paid more keke.

Hope he really settle all his debt soon, I pity him too a lot already i sad too a lot already due I cannot help it out. I cut down all my need and want too still not enough for him. 

No wife want to see husband stuck in between. 

For now what I want will be see my Daughter still happy despite all these sad memory happened. 

I want these divorce as professional parent's mutual agreement sacrifice for our mature lil girl. 

Syukur Alhamdulillah semua Sudah selesai. 

My heart will take time to heal for now. 

Give me more time as for now i will follow the flow till end. 

Now ex husband voice no more kasar2 already, happy to see he back to his family. 

He also have good family too. 

what my feeling..

Well I'm back again with my own story, me still find for something to finish these marriage case finish fast. But again i don't have the power only the Syariah court have the power.

well me even no idea jealous or angry whenever that witch still always at my old home.

Some said they break off already, after what my lawyer gave the proof while ptc at court.

I just wonder now where ex stay with lol. 

which house pula. That witch can go in my old house anytime because she treat that house like her own house and a store room for her business product lol.

Well she damn smart with those brainwash or mind of game lol.

I cannot lie to myself if I not sad or angry with that witch. Every time her face n words always in me, bepatience i always fight that feeling with own brain not easy but I had too.

Well I really not sure what going to happen next. 

Are they serious in their relationship or still play game as friend's. 

These is call devil friend's behind the human musk lol.

Gasak korang lah aku pun dah penat dgn semua game ni. 

her latest pic dah tutup balik bagus lah ameen.

Its Feb 2015

Hm.. Special blessing day for me. 

Happy 32th birthday towards myself on last wednesday lol.

On the BD itself, my fb n whatsapps over being greated as birthday wishes. I felt bless many people love me and treasure me. 

Even though i sad that someone special never even with me. Come on wati move on, but how i must start hate him like a lie 1 so that i can let it go. 

I never regret to marry him or know him. He just being confused by someone that had take over his heart n attention. 

Im the one always be there for him even i have to be jadi muka batu just for him. 

Well now its over let's be happy with the one still can accept who i am. 

Thank you boss lynn for treat me lunch as present and amirah too. 

All this love that cannot be touch, but i can sense it their sincerely. 

Dah lama tak update sini.

Hi sekarang saya tengah kuat kan diri macam mana nak jadi seorang mama dan juga papa dalam hari-harian saya. 

Dini cakap saya mama paling best suka kasi emotion feeling terhadap dia.

Dia bersyukur sangat2. Dia cakap saya pun dah boleh jadi papa nya juga, dia anggap part jadi papa adalah bila apa yang dia hendak beli saya akan tunai kan dengan duit gaji saya.

Dia cakap walaupun harga nya murah, dia bersyukur dapat juga benda itu. 

Dia cakap dia sanggup berkorban demi mama, dia hanya suka beli barang2 di popular kedai aje. Alat2 untuk berlukis seperti marker,warna warni krayon dengan water color. 

Saya sebagai Mama sangat kagum feel proud or touching dengan semua kata yang di keluarkan dalam hatinya. 

Nur Dini Balqis anugerah yang paling indah di dunia ini. Semoga mama juga dapat bersama dini di akhirat nanti :) 

In Shaa Allah..

Walaupun doktor pernah cakap saya susah nak mengandung akhirnya saya dapat miracle dari Allah juga rezeki zuriat untuk saya "kami"

Saya memang sedih dengan papa dini, kerana dia tidak sanggup berkorban demi anaknya dan Allah. Dia sanggup buang kami hanya dengan kelemahan yang kami ade. 

Memang betul papa nya tetap sayang dini, tapi cara dia sayang macam paksa diri. Kalau hati dia tak timbul rasa rindu dia tak cari anaknya pun, besar kan kawan dgn business cosmetic dia aje. 

Saya cuma boleh kata hari2 dekat dini, macam mana pun papa ahmad tetap ur darah daging yang asli dan baik dia hanya keliru dengan semua ini. 

Mula2 dini memang tak tahu apa yang terjadi, tapi lama2 dia tahu juga. Dia juga minta maaf yang dia dulu suka complain papanya pasal saya. End up Mama yang kena marah lepas tu Mama stress dengan simpan dalam hati. 

Aib or aip spell macam mana eh, mereka yang pecah belang diri sendiri masa dia orang berjumpa dengan Dini. 

Dini terpaksa layan mereka, sebab dini cuma nak main2 dgn kucing bella dengan hide n seek kat rumah kami yg dulu tu. Rumah sana besar dari rumah di sini. 

Dini cakap dengan saya yang aunty teha panggil papa nya "Abg" yg zaid pula "papa" lol.

Dini cakap papa dengan aunty suka bual F word. Fafa fifi fufu gitu. 

Betul dini tak faham tapi dini cerdik budak nya. Dini heran kenapa mereka fafa fifi fufu. 

Dini terus berkata dalam hati dengan otaknya. Mereka tengah gosip pasal mama lah tu. 

Lepas tu dini nampak aunty tengah msg orang. Aunty teha bohong lagi kata msg kawan tapi msg mama kasar2. 

Saya kena pendek kan cerita ini. Cerita ni tak akan habis dalam satu hari hehe. 

Dini sudah tidak percayakan mereka lagi.

Dini cuma akan jumpa papa nya bila papa nya cari call sendiri. 

Dini always said in her heart, if the person love me the person will find me. 

Akhir Date dini jumpa papanya 24 dec 2014. 

Kalau tak 29 dec, tiba2 tuka lepas tu tak bilang orang. Dah buat dini menantinya. Lepas tu salah kan orang, saya ni pandai2 buat cerita boleh gitu. 

Saya yang kat kerja sedih dan tabah cuma boleh kata dengan Allah. Tolong sejuk kan hati dini yang sedang sedih itu. 

Dan maafkan suami atau bekas suamiku itu, saya rasa dia masih keliru. 

2015

Ok lah the show i like part bsb song n dato siti too. 

The end of 2014 goodbye.. 

2015 goal gain weight

Healthy n wealth. 

Short trip holiday at least once in a year. 

My rollercoaster journey 2013 n 2014 were really big challenge for me. 

Thank you "Ohana" for always with me. 

You know who u r, same goes to those also treat me as their ohana too. Pls forgive me family & friend's to those i ever hurt before these. Let's open our new book again.

Funny question by ex aygku.

I do miss him everything well is ok, i know u in good hand with someone can treat u very good than me.

Even i know that 2 friend not suit for u at all. Is ok i will always respect ur decision. 

It just ur talak 3 is never ever suit for me. 

But is ok i just consider that talak 3 is like u wont patch up anymore. So i think once u decide like tat is the same as u dont want ur princess too u can enjoy ur new life already. 

If you want to know my sickness the answer will be "Fatigue"

Fatigue with alot of things. 

But is ok, i have to adapt all these. 

I promise dini will be in good hand with me. Regarding study let her decide we only can encourage only. Her heart n brain can make her know what she wants. 

Whatever it is Dini really love art creative thing. 

Ops forget he ask about allergic hm.. 

About daughter can eat meat bird hehe, reply i not sure never try before. 

No 1 will understand how it will look like when your love one having allergic. 

That's why i always be careful for her even i know it will bored for her and troublesome. 

Well i prefer precaution first than something happen i don't want. 

Scope day..

Any tips on how make my nausea go away? I think I got it after drinking Fortrans. I don't like the taste and It's really not to my liking. But I have no choice but to drink it. 

I have 1 more litre to go. Kena balas dengan plain water. The process of detoxification havent kick in yet but only i felt that my tummy area abit tight and bloated.

Anyone gone through like me before? I'm going for Scope later and I need tips on how to make my nausea go away.

Even im half sleep i can feel Hernyta Salleh was there with me thank you.

Thank you umi accompany me for 2hrs. Sibling fetched me suddenly. 

Daddy thanks jaga dini at home. 

Alhamdulillah the scope smooth but now felt the pain due of the gas etc. 

Im hungry, but still cannot eat those i like :) 

Only plain soup or bubur. 

NCCS you all really did great job, I admire you all nya teamwork. 

Im still paiseh whats happened after wakeup. Last time i will vomit,but now totally different thing.

Speechless

I really wish to back to past future by keep ask him really want to divorce. What if these divorce is cause by black magic or whatever the reason.

I do really sad with all these especially our daughter. She good in pretending very strong just for me. 

Even though she still young, but her understanding about all these she really good to adapt with it.

I have never ever to make her n daddy be apart. It just her own daddy like purposely avoid our daughter. No idea why too. 

I want this marriage to end till Jannah but seem all went to drain. 

Is ok I get strong n stronger. 

I do still worry abt my job too, for now everything smooth glad n feel bless with it but till when they can patience with my sickness weakness, I even don't have the answer lol. I just need to keep find way to be cure. In case anything happen I prob just be reseller or babysit I love children n babies too. 

For now I'm happy at my job place. Everyday very bz till no time to gossip keep scanning it will never end lol.

The most I dun like is sorting in box, it will feel tired n pain on tummy n waist too

But I no choice I still need to do it. It part of my responsible. 

Ok lah I stop at here for awhile. 

Stalk each other..

Hm.. I have my right to stalk three of you, because u three play these childish game. 

Thank you for all these game and from here i know how my ex husband charactor will be once hate person. 

In this Dunia life I let three of u win all the half money, but i want to win my only princess n I want black and white that you won't disturb us even ur debt creditor cannot disturb us too. 

Yes i know she is ur princess too,but the one start this game is 'you'. 

I did my best already, i dont ask your money or gold from you, i just need u to believe my sickness n weakness and just bring me to Jannah 1 day. 

Now everything different, don't worry till now i still havent hate u still miss ur hug n etc. I just follow the flow till end. 

Why i decide to sole custody is to protect my daughter from those ur stranger friend that have two face all this while. 

Yes i know u believe them 100%, that's why you stuck with them already. 

To my 'Aygku' no matter what had happened I had never regret to be with you, you are not my rebound love at all in my heart. I accept 'you' as my new book. 

I had never think of 'C' you no matter how bad n good u treat me. 

I don't want to fight with you, what my feeling now is how to protect u from far. 

You may think im crazy with all these.But is ok 1 day u will understand why i said all these. May u find the right love for u n may dini gonna have a good step mother in future. 

I just took all these as my nightmare for u to finish all ur dunia debt. 

I had sense too, u gonna use that money to do business with that stranger too. I just want u becareful with them. 

Hm.. Today i found someone name similar

Well is ok, i also dont know why my heart still want to know who is the person win his heart 360 degree. 

Well is ok today is their day,they were the one love to do this thing till end n now im the one had to handle all these.

I no idea how strong i am will be. 

Focus job, focus checkup n focus my only princess. 

Work is not getting easier, it get har d n harder the feeling is like it cannot finish if i just work for 8hrs or 4hrs. 

Well i just hope everything will be smooth, i will do my best just for my parents n dini. 

Im telling the truth i neither strong neither weak i just everyday follow the flow only. 

Win or lose i also don't know wat to say i just want my hak n daughter. She is my everything for my future ahead. 

I feel guilty cannot give her friend aka sibling, just hope 1 day her daddy badd can give her step bro or sister. 

In Shaa Allah.. 

Siapa mereka ni seh????

Whom for whom.. 

I still miss him, i still angry n i still scared of him.

This sadness and thinking will keep going on till the case settle. Especially about Dini n mutaah. 

I really hope everything will be smooth. I hate to fight with someone ego like "you"

lawyer ni i took just to protect myself sorry ex hubby only by these way only to make u realised. 

Win lose i also don't know, but i willing to beg you for Dini in my life. I only have her for me to stay strong n move on. 

Alhamdulillah Allah gave us a smart iq princess to us. No matter how she stress n sad she really act strong n focus study. She know both parents love her. 

She just want to meet u on sat n sunday. Because she bz n tired weekdays. 

Whatever i type here, is like talking to myself. 

Alhamdulillah my raya was happy one alot of changes, I just need to adapt with all these. 

And i still learning how to adapt when saw dini with that witch couple. Orang mcm gitu tak patut di rapat kan dengan anak kita. Hopefully u will follow my rule too, i know not easy but a must. 

To my heart n brain pls stay strong with me while i still alive. 

The word give up have, but everyday i close it with iskthifar. 

Ya Allah aku insan yg lemah tidak sempurna, kau kuat kan lah diri ku ini. 

Semoga semua ni terjadi boleh bahagia kan org yg aku sayang setulus hati sehingga mati kerana dia. 

Ya Allah redha kan segalanya di dlm hatiku. Dan buang kan perasaan dendam di dalam hati ku ini sekiranya ade. Maafkan mereka yg telah buat semua ini kat diri aku ni. 

Everyday the game reveal

This three bloody mangkuk really must becareful with them damn lier. 

They prank on me habis2 adui why i born to trust people easily. I must learn to stop all these must be xtra careful next time.

Whatever their game foolish on me they still wrong in justice law. 

Well I had nothing to say, i not good in fighting because i always love to give in. 

Everyone want to be perfect but it is not easy. 

To ex hubby u said u loyal, if u loyal why when i sick at umi house u never come visit me or fetch me home. Are u bloody sure u loyal. 

If u loyal u wont play sms chat line with girls. Don't think i stupid i have being swollow it every time i see u silent with me. 

I still wonder which yr u ever ask me for break hm. What i know after u meet known that bloody couple u became more daring because u know they can support u is it. Till when they can support u. Silap2 hari bulan ur turn to be prank. 

Nxt time if u hate person no need do all these let Allah punish the person not u or that bloody couple.

U neither perfect too ready for me to say all ur weakness. 

I choose u married u sincerely n this what i got. 

U keep play my heart. Yes i not happy with u sometime but i still forgive u n still want to be with u. 

With ur so many weakness i can still accept u, n u cannot accept my sick weakness i know myself when i have strength to do i do no need ur instruct than i do. While u only know how to complain never appreaciate it. 

If u can find perfect wife for u than good lol. Remember never ever sacastic to women they dun like. 

How to respect if the leader never respect too. 

You tell me. 

Moral of the story both wrong n both suffer. Victim Dini. 

first day or ramadan Sayu.

Our journey really became bad all the way till dini start to feel it. 

Dini lack of daddy love already, so now everything is me. 

She reflect me as while outing n bonding im her beloved mummy. While me hardwork for money she consider as Daddy. 

She still sad about the holiday thing never happen at all. So me as mummy will try my best occupy her free time or boring time. 

Dini now addicted with rainbow loom. 

her finger injured also she dun mind at all. 

Dini passion is doing creative thing, while mummy passion selling thing.

Whatever item I had sold the extra $ go to dini kidsbank. 

To tell the truth I had no idea still love her daddy or not. 

Because, the truth i still want to be with him back for Dini n Allah. 

But again love heart cannot be force so i will try my the best to forget her daddy as much as i can soon. 

Just by bz myself n earn $ n make dini happy. 

I still trying to cope with my job duty. Nothing is easy, but i will give my best. 

If 1 day really i had to go, than i just focus be reseller till I old. 

Be reseller i can bonding with dini too.

It just to make it success i need to be 12 hrs alert. 

Duit Nafkah Still Low..

By right i should fight for more, but due of lack receipt why need those 300 by 300. 

Well is ok by the time this journey end everything will be new life thing for me. 

Talking to myself, pls stop thinking abt that witch n muka keta tu lah. Let them be happy with their own sin. 

Whatever game they played just swollow it. Now just focus my health to be fit n responsible my own daughter too. 

I really hope i can be the best singlemum for my Dini. 

Sorry dini if mummy have OT, I need to finish my job everyday. Weekend I can spend time with u, if ur daddy ignore you. 

Mummy cannot buy u many thing, but i can give u my loyal love touch to u. 

The date is nearer..

Well I really don't know what to do.

I am not slow at work it just i still trying how to do sorting plus scan doc at the same time. 

Those paper not smooth one, once it stuck i have to redo everything. I felt such a waste time lol.

But what to do I still need to do. 

 

Ramai yg dah mata merah ku telan aje demi anak dan umi ku. 

Heartbeat fast mode

Yesterday, I went to SC for inquiry when ex hubby had to submit those form.

Officer said 4 July 2014 he will be there than the nxt one will be my turn. 

Yesterday, I also went to FC regarding file up nafkah for both of us. So this 4 June Both of us have to agree with the law term. 

For the first time I ask for 600 for mummy n daughter nafkah. 

I really not sure what going to happen after these. I became more brave n follow the flow.

Adui Seram Bunyi

Kak Diana called nasihat y i out from that house. I said it too hurt already. 

She said why tak sabar lagi. I said no one feel wat i feel.

Her topic part anak he can win sebab anak kita pompan. Aku dah takle kata lagi either i fight for it atau give in aje. Means weekend aje ku dpt tgk anak aku😃.

Will she be fine with her dad. My trust with him gone case. 

Ya Allah, berikan ku kekuatan untuk semua ni. Aku tahu anak aku bersedih kalau salah satu tak give in. 

Adakah ku patut bergini sampai bila2.. 

Siapalah sebenarnya dua org ni kawan ke lawan eh. So wat if korang kaya nak tolong badd everything n teach him to take anaknya juga. Korang ni mmg control his life habis2. 

In this story both suffered i never ever giveup on him, it just my bodysystem yg giveup on me n him. Why i can telan all his bad thing n why he cannot telan mine too. 

Nothing to do

wow wati havent sleep besok work seh, i cannot sleep scared dream of him than my tummy feel like want to detox. 

Wait n wait till now only fart mode.. I think too active till my piles out again. It not comfortable at all. 

Berobat Lagi

Yesterday the wholeday being disturb tummy n back body. When start recite my lips turn numb gitu. All i do cannot focus, but still just do till 6 plus. 

After work go my friend house for healing. Wait for her dad to come back home. Im the patience type wait til late also ok. 

Once her dad arrived straight away help me lie down and etc start, I shout little bit only bit only guess what thing came out. 

Total have 10 nail from tummy n my back body have 7 nail ops. I only can Istifar alot2 only. 

Who sent all these we wont know the name,but we only can know is a girl. 

Telan Sabar Aje.. 

Berubat Lagi

Adui ku telan banyak2 ni, why must do all these to me.Use tanah kubuh from thailand maybe or entah dari mana. Eh teha atau fiza kau dah control and brainwash ex suamiku apalagi kau nak dari aku. Kau tak mampu bayar untuk badd ke duit hak2 aku ckp aje kat court nanti. 

I let it out at here for now. 

Semoga Allah lidungi diriku ini dan anak aku itu. Dont u dare to touch my dini. 

Wahai ex suamiku if u also involve with all these black magic hanya Allah sahaja yg akan balas kepada awak. You do all this pasal nak kaya ke. Mana tahu itu satu2 dari penjanjian nya. 

Awak tak layak jadi ayah kepada Dini

If u really involve with all these. But if u part of the victim tu sila bertaubat dgn betul. Berminta maaf dgn semua org. 

Kepada teha n fiza, sekiranya all these game for u is fun. Than u are wrong. You make everything worst. Semoga kau insaf satu hari. Ingat satu hari kau akan ade anak tak takut ke terkena kat anak sendiri. 

Wahai2 manusia jgn lah kau hukum atau zalim kepada sahabat2nya. 

Biarlah yg berkuasa menghukumnya. 

Memang berat untuk di maafkan, tapi sayang ku di buat dgn hati yg lembut. 

Alhamdulillah semua nya sederhana ade di diriku ini. 

This marriage i had never giveup only my body system yg giveup. 

Telan he said he happy..

Mana tak happy dah banyak syaitan di dlm hatinya.. Satu belah kesian feeling pun takde. Tahu main ugut2 aje. 

Adui dah start buka aib

Hm.. Buka lah akan ku telan. 

Sepertinya kata awak semua nya palsu. 

Kata makan nasi kicap dgn telur with nugget ok. 

Kata lepas saya berlajar masak everything ok. 

Tapi tak ok sebab dah ade kawan baru. 

So dah terfall in love terus yg sini jadi mangsa anak pun juga. 

Guna artist alsan jadi u win. 

I go artist kau yg green light tu pun bukan aku gi gatal2 aku tenang kan fikiran tak kan 24 jam nak tgk tembuk dgn hp. 

Kau pun bukan layan aku main game aku telan aje jadi aku buat benda lain tak fikir satu negative pun pasal kau. 

Dlm cerita ni both wrong itu aje. Kau ikut batu api kau gasak lah.

Aku telan aje kata2 kasar kau. 

Kau tahu buang duit kat saman2 aje tapi tiba2 jadi pandai bohong asik gi appeal. 

Original cert kau cari lah sendiri ye. Ni aku punya takut hilang tak mampu nak bayar. 

Korang kaya boleh lah gi beli baru. 

Ni lah org kalau dah tawar hati busuk sekali. Jgn takut H tapi takut M. 

M lagi teruk daru H. 

Talak 3 adui tergamak..

Well of course i still accept it. It just take time to start hate him like 1 time i ever start hate the scramble ex also kisah duit. 

Takpe ups to my parents nak halal kan ke tak. 

But ni yg part yg awak hancur kan segalanya 10k to 13k is a so much $ return it back. CASH.

i know u tak mampu nak pay balik us. 

At least buka mulut dari dulu u will pay back slowly by installment ke pujuk win their heart jadi semua they can halal kan as long u strong the marriage takde parents nak tgk anak2 nya susah. Yes u paiseh siapa yg le tolong kita if kita tgh susah. You only know marah2 ego never even say thank u to me. My parents help u pasal they know anak nya ade weakness. Cannot help u so much. They sayang u but u perangai mcm sua.

Saya telan aje. 

Terima kasih untuk segalanya hutang tetap hutang ye. Suruh ur buddy tolong yg play these game too. Kaya sgt kan mewah2 kan diri kan sila lah bayar cash ye exactly like how u said the word talak 3. 

Oh ya duit teha pay hospital saya masa saya sakit piles tu awak pay it to her. mulut dia yg belit tu selamat lah. She use me to listen ur recording to hate u watever. Talk abt u BJ lah u go taxi work tapi go BJ juga. U ever pernah kena tipu dgn pompan lah and so on. 

U just change suddenly after meet teha or fiza u nak buat dia as ur wife no matter what. U promise wont do all this again once u with her. All the recording i heard but satu tangan sepak pun never go to u. I still sabar to wait listen from ur own voice.

Those recording i not sure why so hard she want to give me it seem fishy aje. 

Yes mengaku saya lah ex wife yg stupid just keep in touch her pasal trust her n to know ur well being itu aje. 

Sekiranya satu hari kau tergerak baca blog ni all too late already.. 

Saya simpan aje memory ni till someone replace it. 

Selamat tinggal ex ku.. saya akan cuba maafkan awak bila tiba masa nya You Just Too Much.. 

Remember dont play ur mum heart u keep play her heart she kecewa sangat tu. Semoga she forgive you again mum mana tak sayang anak kan. In Shaa Allah.. Ameen. 

Unexpected miracle life will be shutdown.

My new life, the truth im still stuck not sure to fight for him or not. Because he start to always with his gf. Should I forgive him or not. Anyway he decide to divorce me too. I need to accept everything already same goes to him need to accept to pay me the responsible payment to me and our only princess NDB. 

My princess really a strong daughter maybe, because she still not sure what going on. But is ok she understand me enough already. 

My Birthday present for this year were new job and divorce decision by my beloved husband.

I not sure how strong will I be, Alhamdulillah with the love from Ohana n Hotlovers and Anding still stay strong with me. I never show my sadness at all. But my body inner really sick too much of stress had to go through.

Well for now I just focus work OT if sick go doc than take time off from work for my MC Queen problem. 

I realised now have new sickness out of sudden want to vomit aiyoh. So now everywhere I go must plastic n oilment. 

What the truth I really want is a big hug n shoulder to cry. But again I try to avoid it because that called nafsu syaitan. Because my heart want a guy hug. I try my dad n my mum but still cannot let it out that much. Well again from there i know already. 

Hm.. No idea what blog is these?

But I love to read it even it sad about me and hubby. 

Semalam akhirnya hati ku gerak juga tempat yg ku tak pernah sangka akan masuk atau apa2. 

Walk in Syariah Courts setakat nak tanya suami saya betul ke dah file up. Sepertinya betul sudah file up. 

Kenapa lambat sampai sebab their paper work yg lambat antar. 

So sekarang in future surat akan datang kat tempat umi address aje.

Semoga semua process ni cepat selesai. Jiwa terganggu dgn kata2 pedas nya itu. 

In silent u abuse me by all ur words. 

:(.

Dang dang...

Hm he told everything in whatsapps already. Yes all my fault but still i should not be punished like these. 

Oh pls stop all these just leave me n i want Dini, I cannot lost both at the same time. 

I became weak because of u too, stupid of me always pity u all these 8yrs haiz. 

Whatever it is happy u in religion right path already I also wait for it 8 yrs too. 

Well lets be happy to feel freedom n be responsible a person. Yes i will cry sad n take times to forget you, but i believe i can do it without you if these what u decided to end everything. 

Thank you for everything .. Happy sad loyalty n sincerely to be part of me for once. 

Maybe we jump this relationship too fast due of our last past experience. 

Wish you all the best in future. You are a nice person actually it just due of ur stress debt everything became like these. 

I consider these our last couple pic of 2013 picture. Will always in my heart memory.

Hm stuck

Well i still wonder have you file up or not. Is it so hard to admit mistake. 

I dont want to put high hope on you already lets go our way, so u can be happy with another gf or future wife. 

Thank You. 

Silent can positive negative

Well it 2014 and the story still not end, for you feel the end but haven't ok. Must finish it all out. 

I don't want to promise u anything already if u cannot give the "Love" already better tell the truth no need to force urself not good just to listen ur parents word. Don't give dini big hope too i don't like. Lets settle it with soft heart can pls Ahmad Badaruddin. 

I have feeling too is not easy to cope all these if not strong i drop alot lucky only weight drop. 

Confused again

Everyday looking forward to see you smile laugh n sacastic. 

Everyday looking forward ur sweet soft word, love touch n etc but still zero. 

The way u communication with me is just to harsh why i said it because i feel it. 

Today u cranky why so me cranky too wrong timing pms dini fever n me cramp how to handle all by my own. Really hope u can help me out even if dini dont want u, you can still pampered her while me bz or not around. 

Really dont know these marriage can solve or not if ur heart still hurt hate me all these. I no comment whatever to me is just my part of life to go tru. 

I decide to be sick to save ur financial prob so i just need ur understanding when i sick alot of thing out of control. 

Is that difficult to accept me with all these prob. 

Still confused.com

Yesterday he start to talk with me abt breakfast after that today he follow Ohana tu JB watch movie he watch momok Paku me the girls Cinderella great movie for someone jiwang like me. 

Well after yesterday solat i will still give my heart another chance for him, again if look by his body language he dont ever dare to see me lol. But i have no idea why had this feeling that this relationship actually still can be save.. 

Still considering

Nak simpan rumah ke jual rumah.. Too much happy n sad moment. Ku mampu ke nak tanggung semua ni. In Shaa Allah 

Repaint or demolish slowly. 

But if i sell it not sure how confident percent I can get the single mum house a place for me to sit n sleep adui. 

Alot in my mind n heart. Remain stuck or let it go. Confused.com

What I really want is he forgive me n start new book. 

Accept who I am for now. 

I just need his big warm hug 

and be friend. 

The rest just follow the flow.

Really hope it can still be save for Allah n Dini n US. 

Am I STUCK..

Hm bila lah nak discuss about us eh? 

Diam tak ber erti ku benci mu. Ku cuma berwaspada aje dgn mu.

Keputusan masih di tangan mu, semoga kamu bahagia dgn si DIA. Saya akan undur diri walaupun ia boleh terseksa hati ku ni tapi ku akan cuba bersabar dan redha dgn apa yg terjadi selepas ni. 

Mengapa ku tak jadi bermadu kerana ku dpt rasa yg kamu tidak dapat melakukan nya, bukan pasal kamu takde pendapatan tapi mmg kamu tidak ber sikap adil dgn saya pun dari mula tu hingga sekarang. 

Saya suka syukur kamu sudah berubah.. Alhamdulillah jgn putus asa ye. 

Ibu kamu akan rasa tenang hati dgn apa yg terjadi kamu telah berubah menjadi org yg Iman Alhamdulillah Ameen. 

Miss you so much is ok if u hate me.

Let the pic talked.. 

Still rethink bermadu ke tak

You still ignore me even as friend pun takde.No idea u want to eat by me serve or not or u want ur beloved teha to serve. 

I cook already ups to u want to take urself or not im just to hurt abt all these. 

Yes the last 7 yrs u sensara no one cook etc but still u ate something to feel full n still alive. With what I go tru was really make my life feel dead. But I just try my best to be strong n stronger. 

My sick still have no matter what I do it just the different my energy start to boost up. 

Maybe due of energy boost up now my angkle leg easily feel uncomfortable sometime pain. Let it be attack at home but not outside not easy to control it. 

Why i told all these at here I also don't know just let it out only. 

I still miss you n love you. 

From what I see really like no hope so we just wait the date n day come. And by that time im ready for it.

No Hope Gitu

Makin hari makin menjadi perangai dia asik cari pasal aje😄.

Ku tanya gi counseling tak nak jawap pula. 

Ku masih lagi harap you come back to us, but with ur attitude it really zero. 

Sedih geram bla2. 

Just wait and see will we be together again or the end. 

Im someone easily to forget forgive people but if u still stick to ur decision I cannot stop it. 

No use force people to fall in love again, just let me cry for all n time will heal it by itself. 

For now just countdown. 

keep follow ur EGO.. Thanks

Well the day is coming but you still ignore me, hm ur heart really like rock power. 

I just wait for u want to sit down and talk abt house n etc. If you still decide to leave me. 

Speechless ur attitude show everything

Hm aygku y when i at home u go out can't we just be normal friend like Ohana.

Aygku when I not around why you can stay home the wholeday. Anyway thank you clean the kitchen. 

Aygku I still not sure what going to happen our life, i really want to be with u again but from face attitude u gone case already.

So what if the last 8yrs u just pretend happy i just find u talk bullshit with me. 

I guess the real reason u found someone that can help u settle all ur problem n give u 100% service I guess. 

Well who i am to stop ur stupid nonsense attitude nowdays. 

Hm just hope you will get back to the right track or path again. 

Be happy with whoever u want to be if that ur decision. 

I still think abt ur debt n house debt aiyoh. From start till now i will always pity you n just too bad I cannot help u i only can help cut some expenses for our daily things. 

Well so sad you never appreaciate all these. We gonna miss ur sacastic, gonna miss ur fun sanguine n ur smile. 

I still consider to be ur 1st wife or not, because the way u treat me really hurt me it just i act cool n follow the flow. 

If still be ur wife feel like sell the house n i stay whoever welcome me to stay in. Because i know the first month to 3 month u sure always with the new wife might as well i stay other place right. 

At least with that sales house money u can clear ur rhb debt. 

But i know not easy because u still laps with hdb aiyoh. 

Must clear those than can resales the house.

But to tell the truth if follow outsider decision just let it go.

While me gila still want to stick with you after u hurt me alot hehe. 

Pls don't ask me why? 

I still can forgive but forget only u the person can help me be happy again. 

Such a waste 8yrs gone to rubbish bin. 

Where i going to put our wedding picture. 

Maybe my future to be house room perhaps or store room hm.. 

Now i just focus bonding with dini really scared when i start active word no much time with dini only my off day spend time with her that a promise. 

Still really hope this marriage has chance to be forever. 

Operation cannot be done.

The doctor said im still fine, hm gasak kau lah doc dah penat ku nak explain hehe. From yrs ago till now still note fate to meet doc for colonel because $ hehe. Stay cool.. Nyawa bukan di tangan doc tapi di tangan Allah. In Shaa Allah i will be fine one day. 

Whatever it is still said thank you to sis teha for the expenses. 

Well the whole journey at in hospital is a lie I had no feel jealous about what you done even while Im still around. What a shame but is ok orang tgh lamun bercinta hati muda balik gitu.

Journey to Jb good one too,can see all the drama how the person treat you. 

I just pray one day u will get someone really good to u n respect u. If our journey might stop here. 

Whatever it is all ur whatsapps word really hurt me no matter how u hurt so many times I still want to forgive u n restart everything, but again u keep repeat you be here just for Dini. 

Ok fine u be here for Dini, but u should not keep go merayap sana sini. Its better go work find $ settle whatever u need to be done. 

Me no food or no money is ok, but i need $ for dini whenever going out she want these n that. 

For now be patience mode again.. Yes money cannot buy happiness but money a must for live while we still alive. 

Decide to opt my Piles to be healthy back.

Well it sound funny and gila, today I decide to go hospital for throw my piles or tie it up.

Hm.. Im going to use from a stranger money that had prank our marriage life, n now these sister n bro's became my makeup supplier business for all my ladies customer. 

To trust a person in 1 week to 3 month, but to untrust a person in few seconds also can right. 

But again to me no matter i trust or untrust person I still forgive them. Allah is great if Allah can forgive human many times why we cannot. 

Of course I not Allah, so me as human the most trust i can give 70% only. At least if being hurt again the feeling won't be too big like the first chance n 2nd chance. 

Im just a simple honest wife.. 

Just for you!

Tawar Hati Perangai asik minta org curse dia aje. Ku takde masanya nak curse org.

Hm ku dah tak tahu nak cakap apa selagi ku boleh bersabar akan ku bersabar, ok mmg dah ikhlaskan mereka berkahwin tapi kenapa ku masih geram dgn si T tu mungkin pasal prank dia paling teruk sekali kut. Tak tahu lah boleh di maafkan ke tak seh it takes time. 

Allah sahaja yg tahu segalanya. Ku serah kan segalanya kepada yg kuasa. 

The truth will be out soon.. Bersabar aje mode. 

Adui tgh pms gini emo,adui yg kat sana di manja2 yg kat sini di tinggal 2 kan padahal lum nikah lagi adui mr badd repeat history again. 

Tawakkatul.. 

Meet Dad Done..

Wow power dlm diam kau cucuk ku dari belakang takpe. Adakah cara permainan itu untuk ambil hati madu pertama lol. 

Ok takpe korang dua mmg patut kahwin cpt2 sebab dah gatal. Yang satu tawar hati with alot alasan, yg lagi satu apa pula makan kata2 diri sendiri kut. 

Semoga Allah memberi ku Madu yg baik bukan yg queen control.

Semuanya ku redha ikhlas cuma satu aje both need to minta maaf from me after play all the game since july ke August till Oct 2013. Korang dah le dpt hadiah pelakon terbaik dan both sudah gila. 

Tawakkatul.. 

Hari ni hari you all..

Selamat berbahagia dan selamat pengantin baru in advance..

Adui storyline not yet finished

Ok Dini these time mummy will still trying to win him back,In Shaa Allah.. 

Its the end

Someone is playing my patience level is ok, today is ur day.

To my Dini ur daddy still not awake still want to play game with me. Thats call patience game. 

But Dini mummy sorry i dont want to die or sick because someone like these. This is not badd or ur daddy we know at all. 

Dini mummy try best already, to let ur dad married someone so that he happy always n dini happy too because daddy will still be back to be with u kan. I know what u want dini. 

But just wait n see on Thursday what going to happen. 

Yes mummy still love ur daddy n hope to be with him again too small love. But seem ur daddy really no heart no brain person senang kata hati busuk sekali takde permanusian gitu.

Mummy sincerely but seem like ur daddy never fair towards us.

Mummy forever confused because my weakness is Easily to Trust People. 

And my another weakness is stubborn too.

Speechless

Sungguh tak reti why must merayap mlm2 eh tak tahu duduk diam kat rumah ke. Besok nya nak gi kerja tak tahu penat ke. Cari pasal sendiri awak ni. 

Kalau merayap cari rezeki ok lah tu. 

Ni gi bla2.. Ku dah tak tahu nak ckp apa. 

Kalau nak sangat bermadu sila kan itu batam thailand sdg panggil. Tapi kena bilang lah bukan terus fly ke naik boat ke sana.

Pertama kali ni ku rasa geram dgn si dia.. 

Selamat puas enjoy ye.. Yg penting kuat kan Iman. 

Terima Kasih..